My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
