If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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