Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
