ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
