I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish i was in the wii world.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
