i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I die, sorry about rent.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
