I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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