I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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