yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
