Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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