I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
