Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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