You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
