i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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