you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
