remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
