ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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