He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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