to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Houston, we have a blender
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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