i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
