My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize
