You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
