once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
