please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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