saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
