I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
