Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
