bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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