even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
