his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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