I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
