Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
