i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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