I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
