"it" just moved
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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