I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
