so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
