i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
