I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
