So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
