Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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