people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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