So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
