If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
