Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
