I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
