today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
