feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
