I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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