life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
