so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
