was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
