Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
