i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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