Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
