I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
