you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
