Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
