I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
